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haiti travel diary

29.1.18














For Julien's first birthday, we decided to go to Haiti to visit my parents. They moved back to Haiti years ago and I always make it a point to go every year. If you read my post here, you'll know a little more. We had an amazing time. My dad took some time off and we all spent a few days at Royal Decameron Haiti and then we spent a few days at their house.

We're getting ready to go on another family vacation, this time with my in-laws. I'm dreading being in a bathing suit, but I'm excited to see Julien eat sand on the beach again. Is anyone ever happy getting into a bikini? I guess maybe if you're a fitness person, but I feel like we all go through phases where we think our bodies aren't good enough to be in a bikini. I always thought that when I'd turn 30 I'd be super 'secure in myself'. But let's be real, I'm kind of on the fence. Part of me is like fuck it. Just be happy. And then the other part is like a big dark cloud looming over me saying 'girl... you are the biggest you've ever been.'  Then I have to bring it back to reality. I had a baby, I don't train as hard or as often as I used to, but I'm doing my best. And that's all that matters. I'm embracing my mom bod.

Personally, I feel like when my motivations are coming from a negative place, like fat shaming myself, then the results truly never come. I'll literally deprive myself of stuff and then go crazy pounding chips, pizza and poutine. And I'm mostly plant-based, so when I get off track, it's not a pretty sight. But when I just want to be a little better, I find it easier to get up at 5:00 and go to the gym while hubby and baby are asleep. I find it easier to make the time to meal prep to have healthy options ready. Does it work this way for anyone else? I feel a little crazy having pep talks with myself to be kinder to myself. But sometimes it's very necessary!

2 comments:

talktomyshoes said...

I agree with you, basically everyone dreads being in a bikini unless they are some sort of supermodel Victoria's Secret fitness guru. I know I don't love it and always want to wear a pair of shorts over top my bottoms. Whatever. Remember you're gorgeous and give yourself some credit. Everyone goes through changes in their body and it is sometimes a hard thing to embrace. You got this.
Also, your little one is adorable!

KWu said...

I appreciate this distinction of "motivations are coming from a negative place." I definitely also find that there's a big difference in thinking about eating well and exercising as a punishment or something I "have" to do vs. something that helps me feel good. And it's good to be honest about not feeling fully body positive either, rather than how I sometimes stack up yet another thing in feeling like a "bad feminist" for not loving how I look at a current moment.

One more idea that I like to keep in mind is how our babies look at us and just think we're completely beautiful. In some ways, not wanting to introduce my kid to body image hangups is really motivating for me too.

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